im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
