Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
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Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
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Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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