you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I want a musical about memes.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
