First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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