So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
