I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
