if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
