i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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