Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
