Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
