Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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