Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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