I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
