we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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