i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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