can u get pink eye on your cock?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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