If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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