Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
