I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
