Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
