he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
