You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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