its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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