That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
