I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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