Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
