Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
