dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
