I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize