You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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