we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
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as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
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Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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