Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
