In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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