Me too!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
