Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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