does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
