so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
