how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
