you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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