I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
