Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
