...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
