Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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