Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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