He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
