New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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