our cab driver is having phone sex.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
