In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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