girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
