My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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