Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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