Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
