woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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