3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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