Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
