I feel like I'm in dance class right now
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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