The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
