The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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