So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The air was thick with penises
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
