remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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