Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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