I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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