I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
