Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
