Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
