so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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